Did you ever wonder about self storage in the galaxy? Would it look anything like the self storage of today? Did they offer security and convenience, provide climate control and give you a problem-free self storage experience? Maybe so, but on this Star Wars Day 2020, let’s imagine for a minute…
Self Storage A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far Away…
Not surprisingly, the Storage kings of Star Wars are the Jawas, meter tall creatures completely hidden behind their dark, hand-woven robes. Their faces are concealed within their hoods, with the exception of their glowing yellow eyes. They are kind of scary looking for self-storage owners, but standards are different on the desert planet of Tatooine, millions of miles from the center of the galaxy.
Jawas are scavengers by nature. They travel the dunes of Tatooine in search of junk and scrap metal that they can rebuild as the equipment that the moisture farmers of this desert planet so desperately need. Regrettably, it’s not easy to find junk on Tatooine, and it isn’t lucrative, so the Jawas had to devise a more stable side business to finance their meager existence. After long hours of Jawaese jabbering, they decided to launch Sandcrawler Self Storage, using the sandcrawlers that they had originally adapted as their homes. Charges would vary for different sized units, security was already in place due to the Jawas’ cobbled-together weaponry, and just maybe they could negotiate a few extra items for their junk stash.
Because sandcrawlers are immense as well as mobile, they could easily be used as a kind of portable, on demand storage company for the Tatooine population and anyone else in need of self storage. Jawas have no loyalties. Whethver the Empire or the Rebel Alliance, they see everyone as merely another business opportunity. And they were ready and willing to accommodate any paying customer.
When Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, and Chewbacca decided that they needed secure vehicle storage for their Millenium Falcon, X-Wing Fighters, and other spacecraft, the Jawas carved out “space ship parking” in the desert fortresses where they lived in their sandcrawlers. When Princess Leia needed secure storage for the data tapes that held the secret plans for the first Death Star, the Jawas built a concealed space under the floor of one of the sandcrawlers. This group from the Rebel Alliance was a good source of referrals for the Jawas, and spread the word about their problem-free storage experience with Sandcrawler Self Storage.
The Jawas’ biggest customers, though, were the specialized Stormtrooper Corps, the Sandtroopers, who had extra equipment and weapons that were large and cumbersome and needed to be stored when they weren’t being used. When Darth Vader sent them to Tatooine to search for the tapes containing the Death Star Plans, they were equipped with additional armor and helmets augmented with cooling fans, large shoulder pads, and heavy blaster rifles. The items that they weren’t using regularly were secure and well hidden in the Sandcrawler storage units, leaving the Sandtroopers free to spend their days searching the desert for the missing plans. Little did they know that those plans were hidden closer than they ever imagined.
The Jawas enjoyed the profits from their self storage business, and managed to collect some of the overflow from the Sandtrooper equipment for their junk collection. Legend has it that there was a lot of backroom negotiating for those Death Star plans. Some will say that, surprisingly, Sandcrawler Storage was trusted to store some of Darth Vader’s backup light sabers. Quite a coup for the Jawas.
No, they didn’t rent trucks, feature regular specials, or provide digital video monitoring. They didn’t offer climate control or moving and packing supplies. But where else could you find storage in a sandcrawler, managed by a bunch of tiny humanoids with weird-looking weapons to guard your stuff? Who knows? Self storage space stations may be closer than you think.
On this celebrated Star Wars Day, 2020, “May the Force Be With You.”